Ping pong shows and elephant rides – Phuket


ping pong shows
These elephants are with their trainers from birth
8 months of saving my ass off back at home before continuing my travel plans to Europe, luckily enough I had 3 of my mates join. Majority of the time stopovers in other countries instead of direct flights is the cheapest way to get somewhere. We grasped this opportunity by the balls when we realized
, in doing this it’s actually cheaper to stay in Thailand for 2 weeks with food, accommodation and a little spending money than to fly directly to London (our initial plan). No way, yep this was a free holiday!
As grumpy and dehydrated as we were, Phuket put it on right out of the airport. Our taxi (AUD$20) was that of a spaceship inside with neon lights, leather seats and speakers producing  Thai/Indian ghetto beats all the way to the door of the hotel, where we crashed until the morning.  The next few days we indulged in fish spa’s, (a little tank you rest your feet in whilst little feeder fish nibble the parasites from your feet) Thai massages and of course Thai food. Like sumo wrestlers we devoured 2 meals in each sitting just about every sitting, the food is delicious!
Torture could be the word but living in a 3rdworld country, the Thai’s still need a way to make money and by selling elephant rides to my mates and I is just one them, it’s actually a great way to see the jungle and depending on the track you take you can view the ocean from the mountains, highly recommended.
Joel and myself trotting through the jungle on our new mate

 

The infamous ping pong shows, we couldn’t leave Thailand without seeing one of these, it’s one to tick of the bucket list. I and 3 other random viewers were unfortunately selected to be a props on stage (no getting out of it either). Me being  nervous as hell, she couldn’t help herself, leaving me last on stage with a balloon between my crown jewels. 15 meters from me, she slowly built the intensity whilst preparing herself for the act of powerfully shooting a dart from her baby maker to burst the balloon. “That was the only time I have been happy to hear a balloon pop” I said to my mate Camo.  He bursts out laughing and whilst her next act of blowing out candles from a cake he jokingly shouts, “what are you doing”. Everyone in the place fell dead silent as the ping pong performer strutted towards my friend and says “I have pussy power . . . Thailand pussy can do”, “Baaahahaha” everyone in the vicinity bursted with laughter, we decided to leave on that note.
Myself and Lekki dine at a Thai BBQ, which herself and the
hotel staff were kind enough to Invite us to. Lekki owns a
Aussie Bar just off the main strip in Phuket.
The main street in Phuket is littered with pubs, clubs and restaurants open to all hours, which we abused a few nights in a row partying among tourist we became friends with. The white room is a club to check out (where we spent most of our time partying), Tiger bar also is a must visit, it’s a interesting scene to say the least.
May is the low season so rain isn’t unusual but everyone is still about. The main beach in Phuket is fairly busy and touristic with an abundance of activities to do from para sailing, jet skiing and surfing (not the greatest waves for surfing). If you are after somewhere quite and a little less crowd you can take a trip further south where the beaches are less crowded and very beautiful. Off the coast is Koh Phi Phi, a Island of which you can dive, snorkel, relax and party at night. Unfortunately the weather wasn’t the greatest and we didn’t venture there but I am told it is certainly worth a visit and I will be back there one day to do just that, but onto Koh Samui and Koh Phangan it was for us.
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